I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
