I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
ugly people sure do ruin things
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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