It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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