woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
