The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize