Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
