We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize