Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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