I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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