My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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