I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
