I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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