i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
