Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
