he wants to bone in the snuggie
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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