it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
