JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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