is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
