Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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