Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
