she woke up with a sticky ear
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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