I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's Friday. Sex?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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