Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
