my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
