Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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