we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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