oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize