It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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