Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize