my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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