i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize