Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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