I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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