I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
that may or may not have been my penis.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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