Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
