im six kinds of drunk right now
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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