So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
