plz talk dirty to me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
