Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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