he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
