I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
