that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
