Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
