Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
