I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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