If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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