I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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