true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
