i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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