Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
