Your mouth is God's brothel.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
