Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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