spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
