I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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