I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
