I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
not ubering you a puppy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
