If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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