I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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