hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
