he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
