Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
