in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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