Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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