Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
