She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
