I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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