my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
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