Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
