your parents love me but you hate me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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