so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
