You made me cry and you don't even care
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
