I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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