I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
