The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
