Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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