I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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