Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
