She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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